Most people I’ve met who are afraid of intimacy, lose the fear when they accept and feel better about themselves.
The question is whether or not the married man will fix this intimacy issue with this wife.
He thinks that loving someone else’s woman will save him from this fear of intimacy. In my mind, this is an opportunity for growth because triangles are not good for people.
Anyway, the married man like his supposed competition is afraid of a deeper intimacy as well. His willingness to live in a limited marital relationship thinly disguises this fear of deeper love and intimacy.
By the way, when people say they are afraid of intimacy, think ‘exposure’ to what they themselves have difficulty accepting in themselves.
A lot of misery is avoided with a respectful ending and opportunity to start again with someone else after a period of sincere efforts to fix a love relationship.
The point is a triangle happens when two married (or simply committed people) don’t fix their marriage.
Instead, defensive stuff happens like distancing from each other or finding another lover to make up for what is not happening in the marriage.
The problem is you can’t get a piece of what you need from one person and another piece from someone else and expect to have a stable and satisfying love life.
If the ‘other man’ gets attached he will inevitably at some point start needing more from the married woman. My heart goes out to him more than any one else in this arrangement because he is usually the one who gets disturbed first and has more to lose.
He may start thinking about asking her to leave her husband. He could be thrown out of the triangle and the married couple could end up fixing their relationship, this could happen.
Fundamentally, they are unstable, like three legs on a table.